In Do You Parent Angry? Part 1, I discuss what I mean by parent angry. I said, “The angry way of parenting stems from our own desires for peace, compliance, and obedience. Our need to be loved.” Angry parenting looks at the child’s behavior and how it affects us. The opposite of getting angry is to remain calm. Let’s explore what tools calm parenting gives us.
Allows us to respond rather than react.
Helps us to think more clearly about the situation.
Allows us to bathe the child in love and grace.
Helps us to see the child as God sees them.
Gives us time to bring the child to true repentance and forgiveness.
Allows us to come up with natural consequences rather than off the cuff punishment.
Calm parenting doesn’t focus on how the child’s behavior affects us. Instead, it focuses more on the child’s heart, and how their behavior affects their relationship with God. Calm parenting stems from a desire for the child’s heart to be right before God. Again: Calm parenting stems from a desire for the child’s heart to be right before God.
We don’t react from hurt or anger because it isn’t about our needs. We respond calmly because it’s about the child and God. We facilitate the process that brings them from their sin to reconciliation with God. What does that process look like? Let me show you.
Calm Parenting Process:
– Shine a light on their sin – simply show them how what they did was sin.
– Explain what sin does to their relationship with God, and the offended person.
– Lead them to repentance, and the joy of forgiveness.
– Help them restore their relationship with God, and with the offended person.
– Finally, teach them to be spirit led rather than flesh led, guide them with God’s truth, and train them in the ways of the Lord.
Yes, calm, and dare I say, godly parenting takes more effort than angry parenting. Spewing angry words and dishing out punishment takes mere minutes. Whereas taking time to respond to the true issues, the child’s heart, not only takes a little longer at the moment of correction, but it also takes additional teaching, training, and guiding throughout the days and weeks to come. But is that really an accurate portrayal?
Angry parenting nets a quick result – for the moment. Long term, however, you’ll find more and worse issues to deal with as the hurt, anger and rebellion takes hold in the child’s heart. Calm parenting, getting to the child’s heart, each and every time nets healing. The child feels loved, develops a desire to do what’s right, and is assured that grace is freely given. Thus a solid foundation is created and you will need to teach, train, and guide less as they learn to govern themselves and build their own relationship with God.
Call to Action:
Consider the difference between angry parenting and calm parenting. Can you see how angry parenting is about changing behavior and stems from our own selfish desires? Can you see how calm parenting is about changing their heart, and stems from a desire for them to grow in their relationship with God? What do you want long term for you child?
What are your thoughts on calm parenting? I hope you join me tomorrow for a small challenge in this area.
Later this week, I’ll share a post delving deeper into the process of keeping calm when responding to our children’s sins and what that might look like.