I hit burn out a while back. Writing burn out. Reviewing burn out. Blogging burn out. With a hospital stay yielding zero results, holidays with lots of company, and packing almost everything we own, I had nothing left to give beyond my own family. Exhausted I needed a time of pulling back. I had no idea it would be six months past New Year’s.
My word for this year: Embrace. And I embraced this need to rest.
We’ve been in a holding pattern since January 12th. The day my husband officially started working full time in his new job. The day we switched to weekends with him here at home, and weekdays where he works and lives five hours away. Our oldest daughter, husband and baby have graciously welcomed him into their home. They even gave him his own room complete with desk…
The waiting is hard. Yet, there has been an ease to it at the same time. God’s grace meeting us in the not yet. We are trusting in His timing for the right family to buy our home, and release us to bring our family together once more.
In the waiting, a strong desire to be who God created me to be arose fierce and bold. A fight deep inside to break free from chains I bound around myself long ago. To truly live in the freedom and love God has given me. He has blessed me with many gifts, and they are stirring in my heart and mind and spirit. I long to sing and dance and capture life and create and love and give and explore…and write. Yes, I long to write again. Here on this blog as well as other places.
I’m stretching and toning and strengthening these muscles lain dormant too long. Far too long. Maybe even my whole life really. I’m discovering my words, my voice, my movements…my passions.
Up until now I have been as a caterpillar crawling along, cautious and timid, never venturing far into what God and His creation offers. This time of waiting has been a cocoon of sorts. A wrapping of God’s arms around me as I struggle against the changes taking place in my heart and mind. Changes I know I need to make.
Yet, comfort lies in the familiar. To step out into the new is to be vulnerable and uncomfortable. And right where God would have me.
Despite my wrestling, metamorphosis takes a natural course because deep inside is the knowing. The deep knowledge of God and His goodness. I know I am His, and He is worthy of all of me. ALL of me. All I have and all I am. All of my giftings. All of my love and devotion and worship. All of me.
As the caterpillar cannot halt it’s transformation, I am compelled to embrace mine. I am emerging, stretching and testing. I am teetering on the edge-almost ready. So close. So very close to opening these wings, leaping into the air and taking flight.
Oh the places God and I shall go. The things we shall see.
This is my yes.
What is your yes? Are you using your gifts? Pursuing your dreams?