Can I Sing for You, Jesus?

Can I Sing for You, Jesus?

Please, share me:

I can remember this little girl singing her heart out to her Jesus. She danced, and laughed, and spoke her mind. She was fearless. It never occurred to her to be nervous, to be shy, to care what people thought. Somewhere along the way, she lost her voice.

Maybe it was when she lived in England. Bullies ruled her walk home from school. Willow branches stripped bare stung her legs as voices taunted. And she didn’t understand the hate.

Could it have been the American kids who instead of receiving her English accent, ridiculed and made fun. Isolation wrapped around with arms of steel.

Or maybe it was when arms opened wide to a newly adopted sister who didn’t know love. Insults rained down around her. Words cutting deeper than the willow branches ever had. What is this cruelty?

Once, on a school bus ride home, words from the bus driver choked off her laughter. Humiliation flooded.

A father’s words shredded dignity. Too often.

Her voice remained silent while words screamed to be heard. Is it any wonder she ended up raped and abused? Evil dominated.

These lies across the years wedged deep in her heart. Layer upon layer. Am I worth loving? Can I be me? Or should I hide me deep inside?

Oh, Jesus, can I sing for you? Can I dance for you? Can I laugh with you? Will I be bold enough to speak the words you want me to speak? Will I ever get my voice back?

I seem so self assured, yet, I am this little girl crying. This little girl lost. Release me from these lies I have believed, Lord. Here my heart cry, and let me soar. These gifts you have given, help me to be fearless once again, and use them for your glory. I don’t need a stage, I just need to be…heard by you. By my family. By those you want to hear.

Can I sing for you, Jesus? Can that voice be found? I sing so quietly, so softly that no one can hear. Can I find that strong, bold, confident voice again? Can I be who you created me to be once more?

I want to sing for you, Jesus.

About Audra Marie

sometimes quirky, sometimes serious, always real ~ lover of Jesus, wife, mom, photography lover, & writer trying to quiet the voices in my head

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Comments

  1. I think that to open yourself up enought to write this. Your on your way. Just keep remembering that if you were the only perso on earth. Jesus would of came and died for you. He loves you so much. Satan wants to steal kill and destroy. Thanking God for you victories

  2. Wow, Audra. What an awesome post… thank you so much for sharing. Praying for freedom to come soon. I’ll be looking forward to hearing you sing! :o)

  3. Our message at church today was “who we are in Christ” The speaker gave a whole list of who God says were are…it was soooo encouraging to me. I wish I wrote them down so I could share them with you.
    Here are some I remember:
    His child, called, chosen, loved by God, holy priest, dead to sin, alive to Christ….
    Don’t believe the world’s lies when you are God’s child you are EVERYTHING!
    Cindy recently posted:I’m going to do this in 30 DAYS!

    • Thank you, Cindy. It amazes me how words over a lifetime can affect a person, and I’m working on hearing God’s words louder. :)

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