I’m up early, and the house is still. The light strands in my window are glowing, and soft music whispers about the room. I take a deep breath before the day begins. For now, peace washes over me.
But today will bring little sin natures crashing against my own. Will I have grace, love, patience to guide them to Him, or will I react with self?
I have six children, two grown and on their own, another soon to follow…but do I know how to be a mother? I had no idea the beauty, despair, joy, heartache, amazement, confusion I would face over the years. Looking back shows me years of mistakes, and right moments mixed. By His grace I’ve managed some right moments. But I crave more…
I see His vision for this family, but I don’t know how to fulfill my part. I know the mother I want to be, but bringing that out of me? Stubborn, willful me? Is it any wonder these precious lives reflect a flawed mother?
I cling to the knowledge that God will work in me, mold me, and shape me into the woman He envisioned so long ago. I long to be her. To see me as He does. Yet, I hide like Adam and Eve, ashamed of my sin all the while knowing He sees it all anyway. Oh to stand before Him, and let Him show me myself. Really see me.
Might I find peace? I imagine so because He shows sin, yes, but He shows beauty in a woman loved by Him. He shows the woman in the making, birthed from God Himself. I so long to embrace this, and pour out on my children and husband.
The house is beginning to stir. I love the morning hugs and snuggles. Lord, let me cling to this peace throughout my day in the midst of living. Let me love on these children, and show them You in everything.