Abuse and Marital Submission (A) – Part 6

broken heart

I was married once before. I wasn’t even 20 yet. A baby raising a baby really. But that marriage taught me a lot about human nature. Without Christ, we are a broken people. My first husband was broken. Raised in an abusive home, he did what he knew best.

It started with words. A snide comment here. A malicious sneer there. Somewhere along the way, I learned to submit. Not a godly submission. No, afraid to set him off, I kept quiet, and agreed with whatever he wanted.

broken tea cup

Then the violence came. Not directly at me, but all around. A wall punched. A glass thrown, and shattered. Shattered like my spirit. I endured because that’s what a good Christian girl does. God doesn’t like divorce, so that’s not an option. Right?

Eventually, the abuse turned sexual before ending with straight physical violence. There was no form of abuse left to descend to. Pregnant with my second child, and one final, terrible attack, then it ended. It seems like a lifetime ago. Almost as if it didn’t happen to me.

broken window

I knew in my heart that if I stayed a moment longer, I would be killed. I didn’t care. But I also knew my two beautiful daughters would be left at his mercy. That I did care about. That gave me the strength to leave.

Does God like divorce? No. But he knows the human nature, and how low it can sink. He made an allowance for divorce. His plan is for marriage to be as I have described in the previous posts in this series. But we are flawed. And sometimes a marriage ends. And his grace is there to clean the mess. To bring healing to the brokenhearted.


Maybe you find yourself in an abusive marriage. Maybe, like me, you didn’t even realize it was abusive until it became so bad you couldn’t dismiss the facts. Denial can be powerful. So what do you do? How does the church respond? What should you do?

I’ll discuss the types of abuse in the next post, and if it isn’t too long, I’ll get into a discussion about different ways the church body responds both good, and bad.

Coming up, I’ll also discuss what I feel are two ways God would have the wife respond, how a woman can find help, and how she might be feeling in this situation. And what about the unmarried woman? Stay tuned over the next few Thursdays as we wrap up this series on submission in the marriage.

You can find the rest of the series by clicking the button.

adj. Prospering; growing or developing vigorously; blooming; flourishing.

Thriving Thursdays covers multiple areas we want to flourish in: marriage, parenting, family life, home educating, home making, hospitality, ministry, home business, blogging, organization, time management…anything that will help us strengthen relationships, and accomplish what God has called us to do.

Let’s encourage each other, share tips and ideas, and set goals with the intention of building thriving families, and dare I say it, blooming where we’re planted.

Click for more information about my other Link Parties.

Linking here:


    • Audra Marie says

      Thanks for visiting, Pietra. I prayed last night that it wouldn’t affect my sleep. I’m healed now, but when you think about certain things, sometimes they weave into your dreams. God gave me a peaceful slumber. :)

    • Audra Marie says

      Thanks for posting my button on your blog. I’m hoping this series blesses others. :)

  1. says

    Oh my gosh… I had no idea of what you have had to endure… What amazed me most about this post is right away I knew you were speaking from a forgiving heart because you said \”My first husband was broken. \” Such redeeming love of our Father that you would be able to boldly share and help bring healing to others… just beautiful.
    Michele-Lyn recently posted:COMMUNITY {5 Minute Friday}

    • Audra Marie says

      That life seems like someone else’s now. It’s amazing how God heals, and teaches grace for ourselves and for others. I always look forward to visiting you, and you visiting me. Thanks for blessing me. :)

  2. says

    I was meant to find this today! Last night, I dreamed about my abusive ex that I almost married. He was mega Christian though… which almost forced the marriage too quickly. I was lucky, having already married before, to catch the signs of his abusive nature (as he was trying to teach me to be ‘more submissive like God wanted me to be’ and avoid a possibly catastrophic marriage I would have been pressured to stay in because of his families devout views. I would have been given the same speech about God not liking divorce. I was told before the divorce of my first marriage that “I just had to deal with it. I’d married him, after all.” Ugh.

    Anyway, I came because I googled broken tea cup photos for my blog. I used this one and set up a link to link back so that maybe someone else can benefit from your words as I have!
    Ashley Marie / Chickadette recently posted:Glass Breaks, Lesson Learned

    • Audra Marie says

      Thanks for stopping by, Ashley! And thanks for the reminder that I need to finish this series! Glad you like my tea cup photo, and thank you for letting me know, and linking back. :)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge